LA Comedy Writer

As we head into the new year, I’m awash in thoughts, some deep, most mundane.

I always like to rent DVDs which are “based on a true story”, but supply you with an alternate ending. If it’s based on truth, how can you change it? What? You mean the Titanic didn’t go down on its maiden voyage, and made it all the way to New York without incident? Damn, that ending sucks. Glad they stuck with the original.

Dick Cheney is spouting off again, this time about how President Obama seems to be pretending there isn’t a war on terror going on. When is that old fart going to be put in a home? Our country suffered through eight years of his hawkish bullshit, and our current Prez is finally getting some of our former friends back in our corner. And does the Dickster REALLY believe anyone could sit in the Oval Office and not know we’re engaged in a war? Cheney needs to realize that his old school ways of “kill ‘em all and let God sort ‘em out” is what got us mired in Iraq. BUT, on a positive note…all Dick’s cronies at Halliburton made out like bandits with those no-bid government contracts. Let’s just hope they all invite him hunting one day.

Bigmouth Rush Limbaugh was rushed to a Hawaii hospital after suffering chest pains.  Limbaugh needs to be thankful I wasn’t driving the ambulance. I’d have given him the scenic route on the way to the hospital. “Uh, Mr. Limbaugh, being this is your first time here, I thought you’d like to see a real volcano…over there on your right. How’s that pain doing? Probably just a little indigestion. Hey, we got a few minutes. Mind if I show you where the President was born?

You know what a dilemma is? Finding out there’s a hidden camera in the dressing room at Lane Bryant.

At my family reunions, it isn’t hard to tell I come from Southern roots. Anyone who has all their fingers and toes is known as a “showoff”.

Welcome to 2010 everybody!