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Quick Hits
I’m taking a little time out from the headline seekers to share a few thoughts. My stress level has dropped considerably because in the last two weeks I’ve finished a big comedy feature (The Rebound Guy), and also a sitcom pilot, designed for pay cable (Podcast). If my manager can get ‘em in the right hands, they should be huge.
Suzanne Somers has a new book out titled,” Knockout“. I listened to Ms. Somers on The Adam Carolla Podcast, and her story is pretty incredible. Ten years ago, she beat breast cancer, and a year ago was told (incorrectly) that she had cancer ravaging her entire body, and to prepare for the worst. “Knockout” deals with doctors all over, who are achieving some amazing things with alternatives to chemo and radiation therapy. If you, or someone you know, has cancer, it’s a fascinating read, and isn’t intended to suggest a specific treatment, but to inform the reader that there are other choices out there.
Speaking of Podcasts, there are two I recommend highly on iTunes. The Adam Carolla Podcast is number one. He has one of the quickest wits I’ve ever seen, and gets some very cool guests (Jimmy Kimmel, Larry Miller). I rarely listen without at least a couple of laugh-out-loud moments. His podcast is M-F, with a Saturday Car Cast, focusing on the auto world. Next, check out Frosty, Heidi, And Frank Uncensored. The trio have a M-F radio show in LA, but the Uncensored show is totally different as they can touch on subjects (with the accompanying language) which are verbotten by the FCC, and advertisers. No guests, but none are necessary. Check ‘em out!
Christmas Wish Update: So far, I haven’t heard dogs barking Jingle Bells, or the Jingle Bells with the gaping delay, or Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer. Dare I start to believe?
As a man, things happen to me that never happen to women, but the reverse is also true. Case in point, today, I was repairing a computer at a women’s boutique. A customer came in looking for a Christmas present for her niece (a very religious woman attending college in Florida). The customer remarked that the niece had “big boobs”, and needed a dress which wouldn’t flaunt it. Thought #1: If she’s a petite girl with big boobs, and going to college in Florida, she probably won’t be all that religious for too much longer. Thought #2: What happened is definitely a “woman thing”. You never hear about a guy going into a store to buy jeans for a nephew, and having the clerk ask, “Got some great jeans right over here. How big is his cock?” I’m definitely glad to be a man.
My dog Cracker is missing the holiday spirit this year. I don’t know if it’s because of the lack of snow and chilly weather in SoCal, or just because he’s a fucking dog. So to help him out, I’ve started sprinkling cinnamon on his pecker/balls, so when he licks himself, he might get a little more in tune with the Christmas season.
In this PC world we live in, names for the disabled are constantly evolving so as to mask the seriousness of the disability. A guy is no longer blind, he’s visually impaired. A woman isn’t crippled, she’s differently abled. I couldn’t help but notice through all of this, the hunchback has been neglected. Perhaps hunchbacks need a better lobbying group in Washington.
Mistress List Grows For Tiger
Apparently, more women are coming out of the Tiger Woodswork, than the reading of Jack Nicholson’s will. More loud-mouthed hoes who just can’t keep a secret, hoping for their 15 minutes in the sun. There’s even one (Mindy Lawton, a troll from Palm Beach), who is upset that Tiger seems self-indulgent (well, Duh!), and never really cared for her…he only wanted the sex. Well, thank God she came forward, so those of us on the outside weren’t under the impression that Woods simply wanted to fall in love with a different woman wherever he went. In order to obtain parity in the PGA, the competition committee is voting this week that, for all future PGA events, Tiger must wear the same beer goggles that made Lawton attractive.
Meanwhile, Jesper Parnevik, has thrown his two krona into the hat. Big Jes is the pro golfer who introduced his nanny to Tiger Woods. The nanny later went on to become Mrs. Woods, and is quickly positioning herself to be a very rich divorcee some day. Parnevik has gone on record as saying he’s sorry he ever made the introduction. Elin Nordegren is probably hoping Parnevik will shut his fucking pie hole. After all, where would Nordegren be if there had been no introduction? Let’s do a little math. No intro…Nordegren is making six or seven hundred a week as a nanny. With the intro…even with a prenup she’ll be worth 20 million or so. Without a prenup, close to half a billion. This choice isn’t even worthy of Let’s Make A Deal. “Miss Nordegren, you can marry the world’s number one golfer, live a lavish lifestyle, and be worth a minimum of 20 million bucks, but your hubby is going to have his dick out like the cuckoo on a clock stuck at midnight. OR, You can go try to get the skidmarks out of little Jesper Jr’s. underwear. The clock is ticking.” It sounds to me like Jesper Parnevik has an overbearing wife and is pussy-whipped to the nth degree, and maybe, just maybe, she told him he’d better make a condemning statement against Woods’ behavior, or no more monkey sex. At least now, when Tiger Woods says he’s going out for a quick 18 holes, nobody will wonder why he’s not taking his golf clubs.
Nebraska Senator Throws Wrench In Health Care Bill
Ben Nelson (D-Nebraska), along with others in the Senate, has added an anti-abortion amendment which now threatens the health care bill being debated. With the amendment, insurers receiving government money can no longer cover abortions . Once again, we have a dickless moron trying to score a few points with constituents by getting into the abortion debate. By the way, do you ever notice how the most vociferous people speaking out against abortion, couldn’t get fucked in a prison in an unguarded room during conjugal visits? Anyway, I digress.
I’m so fucking sick and tired of idiots injecting their religious beliefs into our lawbooks. Personally, I’m not a big fan of abortion, but I believe 100% in a woman’s right to choose. If a woman has made the mistake of getting pregnant, and ultimately chooses that an abortion is her most logical course of action, then crank up the Hoover and set it on high…it might be twins. Once again, we have someone (from Nebraska, no less) who feels he is so supremely intelligent, that only he is smart enough to tell everyone residing in the U.S. what is best, what is moral, and what is legal. Talk about an egomaniac!
What I do know, is that even with my average cock, there still isn’t room for Ben Nelson and his ilk, so I wish they’d stay the fuck out of my girlfriend’s pussy.
In The News
It seems the Tiger Woods saga won’t be going away any time soon. To catch you up…Woods was involved in an accident, where his wife, Elin Nordegren, supposedly busted out the back window of his Escalade with a golf club, to get him out and to safety. Since then, the police have issued Woods a citation, and now say the case is closed. Oh, how we wish!
On Monday, nightclub promoter Rachel Uchitel (pictured) came forward with her attorney/publicity hound Gloria Allred (why does SHE need an attorney?), to announce she hasn’t had a romance with Tiger. Allred met her at LAX, and in front of cameras, proclaimed there would not be any kind of press conference. Isn’t Allred standing before cameras a press conference in and of itself (impromptu as it may be)?
Next, coming forward is Jaimee Grubbs, an LA waitress and former reality show participant, who has not only shoved Uchitel out of the spotlight with her Woods romance charge, but has backed it up with a voice mail supposedly left by Woods, and claims of numerous suggestive text messages they’ve exchanged.
In light of the Grubbs allegations, Woods has now been forced to issue a release on his website, stating he’s had “transgressions” in the past, which have hurt his wife and family. Woods has now pretty much closed himself off from all but his family, and trusted friends. Word is that he’s sought advice from other super athletes such as Michael Jordan, Shaquille O’Neal, and Kobe Bryant. Bryant didn’t really have any words of wisdom, but did pass along his jeweler’s phone number.
Here’s my problem with the whole affair (no pun intended). Woods appears to be guilty of being an uber-rich, successful, MAN. Despite being married to a true beauty, 150-plus road days per year are just about more than any man can handle, and being worth a billion dollars certainly doesn’t help. But, Jaimee Grubbs is guilty of being a celebrity-fucking, loud-mouthed, hoe. She saw a chance to get her 15 minutes of fame, and jumped on it, like a gay man seeing a cockroach in his apartment. She couldn’t just keep her goddamned mouth shut? If Uchitel really hasn’t had a romantic liaison with Woods, this would all fade away, UNLESS, some bitch decides the time is right to come forward and get her name in the tabloids. And as proof, I offer this…if she hadn’t some inkling that she would eventually go public (or worse, blackmail Woods), why save over 300 text messages over such a lengthy period? Nope, my feeling is that Grubbs has had a plan all along. She was going to fuck Tiger Woods repeatedly, and save her best fuck for when the affair was over. Now don’t get me wrong, Tiger Woods is certainly no saint, but what this chick is doing is nothing short of scandalous, and a pathetic way to get attention. The newest office pool should be when Jaimee Grubbs goes after her own reality show (if given a choice, pick something less than 30 days).
Eventually, there will come a day, when married celebs will insist on some type of signed non-disclosure agreement before answering a hotel door for the ultimate room service. Make the penalty in the millions of dollars, so the penalty will be much more than anything these vulture-whores can make by becoming a tabloid rat. I’ve got a pretty good idea why Charlie Sheen had a preference for pros. He realized early on that most star fuckers are hoes…but admitted professionals are, at least, generally lower priced, and much more discreet.
http://stfushow.com